Evolution of humans, unlike animals, happened through the committed relationship. We are conditioned to seek love, pleasure, and sex for happiness. All efforts were focused on finding the right match so that the process of recreation could be continued. Ideally, the best thing is to have a very strong committed and long-lasting relationship so that mutual need of love and sex could be fulfilled. Unfortunately, such type of ideal situation doesn’t exist in the contemporary world. The dynamism of the relationship is shifting towards an open relationship, where partners want to have all the fun with no accountability or responsibility at all.
What is Open Relationship?
If we go by pure definition, both the partners in an open relationship have full freedom to seek pleasure from outside the relationship. Technically, the relationship isn’t exclusive with one another. In other words, it is opposite of the popular notion of ever-lasting relationship focused on recreation. In open relationship it is sexual pleasure that is in the center, that too not with just one but several other partners at the same time. Sounds thrilling, but unfortunately this dynamism doesn’t last long.
Well, there are several types of open relationship depending on whether one partner wants to go open or both. Another subgroup within this group is of those who want to have just romantic freedom sans sex. Is this phenomenon new? Of course not, it isn’t new it is there in our society since the beginning. But it was in a very minuscule number. In recent year, especially since the arrival of the internet and mobile, the popularity of open relationship among adults is rising fast. But what is the trigger behind this phenomenon?
Why Open Relationship?
Frankly, this new generation doesn’t have much faith in long-term committed relationships. Their logic comes from social learning of rampant extramarital affairs and high divorce rate. They are right, at least statistically. According to studies conducted in recent years, almost 30 to 60% of married individuals engage in adultery, in form or the other. Of course, the fundamental of monogamy comes under question. People in open relationship think that their transparency in a relationship makes it a better option.
Another logical window with people in an open relationship is the high divorce rate. According to the 2016 figure, there were 6.9 marriages for every 1000 people in the U.S. and 3.2 divorces per 1000 people. Meaning, the “till death do us apart” vow is of no value for almost half of the married people.
According to another set of relationship data, average marriage in the U.S. lasts for just 7-years. This is 18 years in Italy with 31% divorce rate and just 5.5 years in Qatar with a 40% divorce rate. On average, the typical U.S. marriage that ends in divorce lasts just seven years.
The failing marriage institution and rampant infidelity is the major reason behind the popularity of the open relationship among the new generation.
Winners and the Losers in an Open Relationship
Ideally speaking, there is no winner or loser in any kind of relationship and same is the case of open relationship. The problem arises when the relationship takes the ugly turn when an element of “closeness” comes into play. In simple words, you start counting winning points only when you are in doubt about your partners’ winning points. The open relationship is all about to give and take, you get something when you are ready to give something.
It is a fact that women do have a certain advantage of gender finding partners, but this isn’t a universal truth. Men’s do have a different kind of advantage of exposure and mobility. So, it is a fair game when it comes to opportunity. Women have a high success rate but men have higher chances. Here are some of the things you need to keep in mind when pursuing an open relationship:
Of course, you don’t have to be monogamous if you are in an open relationship. In that sense, you are always a winner as you have the option to find a better partner to have intimate moments. Once decided to be in an open relationship, then you have shed all those inhibitions of social morality and let yourself free to seek maximum pleasure. This helps you to stay away from the winning point calculation matrix.
Keep it Simple and Transparent
The open relationship is all about openness in the relationship and all the controlling factors like communication, trust, and honesty. You have the freedom to seek pleasure outside your ongoing relationship, so make it clear to your partner. This gives you the option to explore and enjoy the company of several people in very limited time. There is no sense of loss here. Don’t let your ethics come in the way to spoil your thrill.
Get What You Need
It is a fact that all your needs cannot be fulfilled by one person. Your mood and need might vary from time-to-time and open relationship gives you the option to fulfill your needs in the right time and context. This keeps you away from the “fear of missing out” syndrome, which is very common in a committed relationship. Isn’t it a perfect winning? Since your partner knows about it he is also in a winning position.
Whatever you try or practice, ultimately you are a human being. Emotions are bound to grip your thought process. The open relationship takes shape on the platform of transparency, honesty, and trust. Unfortunately, situations never remain the same and you may feel that your partner have an edge over you. This gives birth to the feeling of jealousy. This is where you start feeling like a looser. All you need to do is to accept the reality of the open relationship and move forward as a winner to get a better partner.
You simply cannot ride on two boats at the same time. An open relationship isn’t a solution to save your committed relationship. You need a different frame of mind to be in an open relationship. An open relationship requires a much stronger foundation to flourish otherwise it is a big loss for you and your partner. There isn’t any winner in such a situation.
It is very natural to feel exhausted physically and emotionally in an open relationship. Especially, if you are a woman you might feel that you are getting physically exploited by your partners. Frankly, it is your choice; you chose to walk free on pleasure hill. So, you have to learn the art of control to remain happy. It feels good to have no accountability and commitment, but this feeling makes you feel vulnerable. It isn’t winning, but not losing either.
You have decided to be free from the bondage of relationship. That’s great. An open relationship isn’t just about the choice of multiple partners for sexual gratification but openness in thought process to accept the hard realities of the world. You simply cannot ask for the things that people in a committed relationship enjoy. Let your mind open to enjoy the open relationship!